Friendship: Trust

“A single rose can be my garden, a single friend…my world.” Leo Buscaglia

If there is one thing I’ve learned in my past 20, almost 21 years of life, it’s exactly that. And as obvious as that statement was, it took me until just recently to realize it. I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum for as long as I could remember. At nine years old I changed my name from Kassandra to a shortened Kassy, because I thought it suited me better. Even to this day only my oldest friends and family call me Kassandra. I often got in trouble in class for doodling, and I often preferred more, ahem, color in my life. My hair has gone from brown to platinum blonde to violet to black to pink etc. I was often the nerd who read and drew comic books and dressed a little differently then most kids, but I loved who I was. Now I’m older and in college but still love art and drawing, which is what I’m majoring in now. :)

I recently had the idea to write a blog for girls ages 14-20, just about life and activities. However, I had no idea what to write about or how to start, so I figured, why not ask the audience? Before I started writing this, I asked a number of girls, ages 14 to 20, on what topics they would like to see me write about and what they would like to read about. Most responses I got were on relationships; friends, boys, and family. So my first few entries will be on friendships. How do you choose your friends? Which friends stick? Do you need to have many friends to feel important?

Now let’s admit, as young women, especially when we are in school, it’s hard to find a good friend out there. Along with the busyness of school, homework, family, extra-curricular activities and, some of you may have jobs, work; it’s very hard to determine who our true friends are until it’s too late. Friendships are a very important part of your life; they can either make or break you. The one huge problem among girl friendships today is trust. But what leads up this particular issue? Have you ever had a friend, or even a few friends, who you really loved to hang out with? You got really close and could tell them anything and the suddenly, you’re not friends anymore? Why did this happen? Well it could have been a number of reasons, but afterward it makes a person feel awful…who wouldn’t? Someone you really loved to be around and even thought you could trust is no longer apart of your life.

Speaking from my experience, I know how that feels. It was my Sophomore year in High School and I hung around this group of friends who all had the same interests as me and liked the same TV shows and music, etc. Going back to how I was odd to other students back then, I really fit in with this group, and I didn’t feel odd at all. I had so much fun hanging out with these people, we were inseparable and I felt I could really trust all of them. One girl in my group had a couple of issues though. She was on anti-depressants at the time, and her family was never really there for her, and sometimes she would start to do outrageous things to get attention, like denying that it was her birthday. Of course it worried all of us, especially me. So I decided to visit a social worker at my high school; I didn’t mention her name and confided in the social worker to give good advice.

Afterwards I mentioned to my other 2 friends what I did over the phone later and they seemed fine with it. Unfortunately, about 10 minutes later I got a call from the girlfriend I was trying to help and she started screaming about what a horrible back-stabbing friend I was…our friendship ended that night and I found out that one of my other 2 friends was the one who went behind my back and told her that I saw a social worker. I confided in both of these people…and they both just quit talking to me. After all the nights I stayed up on the phone with this girl, spent hours with her, and was the only one who ever cared for her well being and she calls me a horrible, backstabbing friend? I couldn’t believe it.

A few days after, our parents tried to get us to make up…all except for her parents and her, they wanted nothing to do with me or my family. After that, these two former friends got many of my other friends to turn against me. The only person who stayed be my side, was the other friend from our former group; my current best friend Katie. Katie stuck by me through everything…even when things got bad, and they got really bad.

People would talk about us…people I didn’t even know and have never met before were calling me horrible names, and they have never talked to me before! I would get horrible notes from my previous friends and people would just laugh as I walked down the hall. There was even a rumor going around that Katie and I were dating! It was a horrible time at school for the both of us…and sometimes I just wanted to stay home from school so I wouldn’t have to deal with what the prank was that day. The only people who kept me strong through the whole thing was my mom and Katie.

This lasted for the rest of Sophomore year, and my only real friend was still Katie. I had one real friend, but you know something? It didn’t bother me. I figured I would rather have one true friend, then a lot of fake friends. And even now, after 6 years, we are still closer than ever, and is even more like a sister to me than a friend. And the friends that turned on me back then, are now talking to me again on facebook. And you know what is really funny? After 4 years the same girl still hates me. She even got angry that the other friends started to want to talk to me again! After 4 years! Isn’t that funny?

Now that I look back on that time, I was young and strange to a lot of people just because I liked something different. I wanted to fit in so badly and have a lot of friends, but I refused to change who I was; which was good, but I also became friends with just anyone, which wasn’t very wise. I didn’t bother to really get to know these people and would pour out all of my secrets to them without even thinking. I’ve learned in life that it’s not bad to have more than one friend, however, I keep all my thoughts, secrets, hopes, and dreams to my one and only true friend, who has proved her loyalty to me time and time again. Sometimes you have to walk alone for a while…and sometimes you may only have one real friend at your side, but maybe that’s all you need.

Kassy

My next blog is about true friends. What makes a true friend? How do you know if someone really wants to be your friend or if they are trying to use you? And how do you keep friends even if they move far away? You can read all about it in my next blog. :)

More Than a Statistic

We all know what statistics are: the numbers and figures that you hear, when you're at assembly's or church, about teen drinking suicide drugs etc. Well while I was in my preteen to early teen years that's all I thought I was - a statistic..

By the time I was 11 I had such a terrible body image I would cry almost every night because I thought I was fat. By the time I was 12 my parents both worked so I could get away with skipping meals and working out excessively. By the time I was 13 I was a full out anorexic. Both my parents worked full time so I was able to hide it. So when we'd be out when they saw how little I ate they thought it was normal and always said I "ate like a bird" they had no idea the inner turmoil that was going on inside of me. I was so ashamed of my body and how I wasn't perfect like the people in church or magazines that I started taking it out on my body with self-harm. I felt worthless and numb to everything around me. I lost all my friends had no real relationships with my parents and hated church. A month before I turned 15 I gave God and ultimatum. I said if your real you need to do something. I'm a wreck and I'm falling faster everyday. I need you to take action in my life if your even real. Because if not after my birthday im done holding back. Because I just don't care anymore.
Then I got an email from a friend. She wanted to get together ans have a little girls night. I have no idea why but I said yes. It was the first time I felt like I was loved. And at dinner I unraveled a bit. Later that night I prayed that God would forgive me and help me.

But that's not the end of the story. I still had the guilt and shame of what I had done to myself and to top that I was still addicted to cutting myself. I still felt worthless. How could God ever love me? Look at everything I've done. How is it possible to be anything when all I am is a statistic?

It wasn't easy but one day I was so mad and no longer at myself but at the devil who was trying to bring me down everyday. I had had a candle burning and all the wax was melted inside I took my nail file which I used to cut and threw it in the wax and blew out the wick. I made a choice that day to change the way I was thinking about myself. I was not just a statistic. I was loved by the creator of the world. He thinks I'm beautiful! He loves me! Even when I felt like everything was falling apart I knew there was a reason he intervened in my life when he did. He has a plan and a purpose for my life! I am not worthless but a masterpiece created exactly how God wanted me to be.

It's easy to believe lies when that all you hear. Its hard to change. It's still a choice for me everyday, I have to get up and choose to think about what God says about me.

No matter how far you are He's always there ready to pick you up and help you through. You are his treasure, and He knows every hair on your head, every freckle on your face AND what your jean size is :-). All you have to do is ask Him for help and it will come. Even if its in email from from a friend you haven't talked to in months.

by Tyler J.