More Than a Statistic

We all know what statistics are: the numbers and figures that you hear, when you're at assembly's or church, about teen drinking suicide drugs etc. Well while I was in my preteen to early teen years that's all I thought I was - a statistic..

By the time I was 11 I had such a terrible body image I would cry almost every night because I thought I was fat. By the time I was 12 my parents both worked so I could get away with skipping meals and working out excessively. By the time I was 13 I was a full out anorexic. Both my parents worked full time so I was able to hide it. So when we'd be out when they saw how little I ate they thought it was normal and always said I "ate like a bird" they had no idea the inner turmoil that was going on inside of me. I was so ashamed of my body and how I wasn't perfect like the people in church or magazines that I started taking it out on my body with self-harm. I felt worthless and numb to everything around me. I lost all my friends had no real relationships with my parents and hated church. A month before I turned 15 I gave God and ultimatum. I said if your real you need to do something. I'm a wreck and I'm falling faster everyday. I need you to take action in my life if your even real. Because if not after my birthday im done holding back. Because I just don't care anymore.
Then I got an email from a friend. She wanted to get together ans have a little girls night. I have no idea why but I said yes. It was the first time I felt like I was loved. And at dinner I unraveled a bit. Later that night I prayed that God would forgive me and help me.

But that's not the end of the story. I still had the guilt and shame of what I had done to myself and to top that I was still addicted to cutting myself. I still felt worthless. How could God ever love me? Look at everything I've done. How is it possible to be anything when all I am is a statistic?

It wasn't easy but one day I was so mad and no longer at myself but at the devil who was trying to bring me down everyday. I had had a candle burning and all the wax was melted inside I took my nail file which I used to cut and threw it in the wax and blew out the wick. I made a choice that day to change the way I was thinking about myself. I was not just a statistic. I was loved by the creator of the world. He thinks I'm beautiful! He loves me! Even when I felt like everything was falling apart I knew there was a reason he intervened in my life when he did. He has a plan and a purpose for my life! I am not worthless but a masterpiece created exactly how God wanted me to be.

It's easy to believe lies when that all you hear. Its hard to change. It's still a choice for me everyday, I have to get up and choose to think about what God says about me.

No matter how far you are He's always there ready to pick you up and help you through. You are his treasure, and He knows every hair on your head, every freckle on your face AND what your jean size is :-). All you have to do is ask Him for help and it will come. Even if its in email from from a friend you haven't talked to in months.

by Tyler J.