Friendship: Trust

“A single rose can be my garden, a single friend…my world.” Leo Buscaglia

If there is one thing I’ve learned in my past 20, almost 21 years of life, it’s exactly that. And as obvious as that statement was, it took me until just recently to realize it. I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum for as long as I could remember. At nine years old I changed my name from Kassandra to a shortened Kassy, because I thought it suited me better. Even to this day only my oldest friends and family call me Kassandra. I often got in trouble in class for doodling, and I often preferred more, ahem, color in my life. My hair has gone from brown to platinum blonde to violet to black to pink etc. I was often the nerd who read and drew comic books and dressed a little differently then most kids, but I loved who I was. Now I’m older and in college but still love art and drawing, which is what I’m majoring in now. :)

I recently had the idea to write a blog for girls ages 14-20, just about life and activities. However, I had no idea what to write about or how to start, so I figured, why not ask the audience? Before I started writing this, I asked a number of girls, ages 14 to 20, on what topics they would like to see me write about and what they would like to read about. Most responses I got were on relationships; friends, boys, and family. So my first few entries will be on friendships. How do you choose your friends? Which friends stick? Do you need to have many friends to feel important?

Now let’s admit, as young women, especially when we are in school, it’s hard to find a good friend out there. Along with the busyness of school, homework, family, extra-curricular activities and, some of you may have jobs, work; it’s very hard to determine who our true friends are until it’s too late. Friendships are a very important part of your life; they can either make or break you. The one huge problem among girl friendships today is trust. But what leads up this particular issue? Have you ever had a friend, or even a few friends, who you really loved to hang out with? You got really close and could tell them anything and the suddenly, you’re not friends anymore? Why did this happen? Well it could have been a number of reasons, but afterward it makes a person feel awful…who wouldn’t? Someone you really loved to be around and even thought you could trust is no longer apart of your life.

Speaking from my experience, I know how that feels. It was my Sophomore year in High School and I hung around this group of friends who all had the same interests as me and liked the same TV shows and music, etc. Going back to how I was odd to other students back then, I really fit in with this group, and I didn’t feel odd at all. I had so much fun hanging out with these people, we were inseparable and I felt I could really trust all of them. One girl in my group had a couple of issues though. She was on anti-depressants at the time, and her family was never really there for her, and sometimes she would start to do outrageous things to get attention, like denying that it was her birthday. Of course it worried all of us, especially me. So I decided to visit a social worker at my high school; I didn’t mention her name and confided in the social worker to give good advice.

Afterwards I mentioned to my other 2 friends what I did over the phone later and they seemed fine with it. Unfortunately, about 10 minutes later I got a call from the girlfriend I was trying to help and she started screaming about what a horrible back-stabbing friend I was…our friendship ended that night and I found out that one of my other 2 friends was the one who went behind my back and told her that I saw a social worker. I confided in both of these people…and they both just quit talking to me. After all the nights I stayed up on the phone with this girl, spent hours with her, and was the only one who ever cared for her well being and she calls me a horrible, backstabbing friend? I couldn’t believe it.

A few days after, our parents tried to get us to make up…all except for her parents and her, they wanted nothing to do with me or my family. After that, these two former friends got many of my other friends to turn against me. The only person who stayed be my side, was the other friend from our former group; my current best friend Katie. Katie stuck by me through everything…even when things got bad, and they got really bad.

People would talk about us…people I didn’t even know and have never met before were calling me horrible names, and they have never talked to me before! I would get horrible notes from my previous friends and people would just laugh as I walked down the hall. There was even a rumor going around that Katie and I were dating! It was a horrible time at school for the both of us…and sometimes I just wanted to stay home from school so I wouldn’t have to deal with what the prank was that day. The only people who kept me strong through the whole thing was my mom and Katie.

This lasted for the rest of Sophomore year, and my only real friend was still Katie. I had one real friend, but you know something? It didn’t bother me. I figured I would rather have one true friend, then a lot of fake friends. And even now, after 6 years, we are still closer than ever, and is even more like a sister to me than a friend. And the friends that turned on me back then, are now talking to me again on facebook. And you know what is really funny? After 4 years the same girl still hates me. She even got angry that the other friends started to want to talk to me again! After 4 years! Isn’t that funny?

Now that I look back on that time, I was young and strange to a lot of people just because I liked something different. I wanted to fit in so badly and have a lot of friends, but I refused to change who I was; which was good, but I also became friends with just anyone, which wasn’t very wise. I didn’t bother to really get to know these people and would pour out all of my secrets to them without even thinking. I’ve learned in life that it’s not bad to have more than one friend, however, I keep all my thoughts, secrets, hopes, and dreams to my one and only true friend, who has proved her loyalty to me time and time again. Sometimes you have to walk alone for a while…and sometimes you may only have one real friend at your side, but maybe that’s all you need.

Kassy

My next blog is about true friends. What makes a true friend? How do you know if someone really wants to be your friend or if they are trying to use you? And how do you keep friends even if they move far away? You can read all about it in my next blog. :)

Coffee with a Friend: Staying Grounded

Coffee with a friend.

This morning I had the opportunity to go get coffee with a friend of mine. Our schedules are complete opposite, so this is a rarity, but when we make the time, I am oh so happy it works out.

See, drinking coffee may be an everyday occurrence for most of the population, but for me, "going out for coffee" with a friend involves so much more than downing a liquid to keep me awake. (I don't even drink coffee).

Keeping up my relationships with my close friends is so important to me - no matter how busy life gets, or how it changes. During the hour we spent at the coffee shop this morning, we got to catch up on each others lives and talk about how life is changing: graduating college, applying to grad school, running a business, having new relationships, family updates, and the list goes on. But 2 things in particular stood out to me today.

We talked about how words have such a powerful affect on us - on everyone. And yes, you've heard it before - "life and death is in the power of the tongue." But how does that relate to your everyday life? How can words do so much?

I've been reading this dancer's blog for a couple months, and recently I read her book. She's very artsy, and I love everything artsy. I often times wish I was looked more artsy, spoke more artsy, dressed more artsy, etc, but that's besides the point. The point is I have been so into her blog, that I read it almost every day. And the thing is...she wrote about heartache and being sad and depressed. She also wrote about love, and your dreams, and pushing through in life. But, somehow, it all got to me. I found myself being sad, and going back to my past thoughts of heartache. Even though, I'm not in that season of my life anymore, it really affected how I carried myself, and what I thought about me.

I walked around for days wondering why I was so down. Then, I realized..I haven't confessed God's Word. I haven't prayed how I should be praying. My Bible reading hasn't been too much more than a routine. And where did the guard on my heart go?

You see...I allow myself to be influenced very easily if my guard isn't up. I have trusted people I shouldn't. I have one too many times mistaken being naive for innocence. I care too much about people. I carry their burdens, knowing it won't help them, but wishing it would. I cry when other people are hurting. And..I've just recently come across something that changes everything: "Your job isn't to be their Savior. It's to point them to Jesus" (marshill). God, how could I take on their cares along with mine, and not cast them on You?

Life is funny sometimes. The way our minds work is amazing. They way His Word transforms our lives astounds me. God created us in His image. Right? Well if we're to uphold that image, we need to do something about it. It just doesn't happen on it's own. We need to stay grounded in our faith by continually putting His Words in our heart, spirit, thoughts and mouth. (not a dancer from LA, a rapper from Missouri, your friends or the devil - who will constantly try to bring you down).

Moral of the store of my life? Watch what you say, what you read, what you listen to ((music)) and what you believe. Words can kill or nourish life.

PS. I'm doing a study on prayer. Hopefully a good blog will come from it in the near future.

<3 Kirsten

Love

Love. So many words may rush to your head when you hear the word “love.” Valentine’s Day, Boyfriends, Hearts, Flowers, Candies, Dates. Or even Family, Friends, Caring, Providing… So many ideas can come from one word. But what is the basis of love? What do we, as girls, need to do to make sure we have the best idea of love that there is?

Thinking of the phrase “colorme31” or “colormeLOVE”…let’s look at Proverbs 31:10, “A capable, intelligent, and virtuous woman--who is he who can find her? She is far more precious than jewels and her value is far above rubies or pearls.” Now let’s take a look at your character? What characteristics of a Proverbs 31 girl do you have? Ones that make you more precious than jewels, rubies and pearls?!

You know the scripture that says, “and the greatest of these is love”? Well it’s true. And the Bible also talks about God being love. Take a look at this expert from the book “31 Girl” by Mary Simpson.

“Stay Close to Love. The Bible says in 1 John 4:8 that God is love. This means that by staying close and plugged into the ultimate source of love then we cannot but be changed. As you spend daily quality time with God His character is deposited in you. The more time you spend with Him, the more you become like Him.

Staying close to God also keeps us “in love” with Him. Revelation 2:4 says that we should not forsake our first love. Above all else, our Heavenly Father must be our first love. That’s not to say we can’t have other loves in our life but He has to be our priority, our personal Number One.”

When you first read the word “Love” at the beginning of this blog, did “God” come to your mind? Hmmm.. Put God as your Number One and see what happens in your life. I can guarantee you it won’t stay the same. Is he already first?? Step it up, and see what He does! J

Have a very happy Valentine’s Day. Show your love to God, your parents, siblings and loved ones!! Make sure you put your words into action! <3